GOD TOLD ME TO SKIN YOU ALIVE

pay my respects to grace and virtue
send my condolences to good
give my regards to soul and romance
they always did the best they could
and so long to devotion
you taught me everything i know
wave goodbye
wish me well
you've gotta let me go.

dear vast emptiness that is livejournal,

bob may start writing stuff in here again soon.
for no other reason than writing something on a regular basis may help cure this chronic writer's block.
i like the smaller scale of livejournal as opposed to facebook.
i like that i can post and it doesnt go up on a news feed. 
if a few friends stumble upon this, i'd be thrilled.
if these entries gather dust in cyberspace, unread, i'd still be content. 

more to come...














*tumbleweed*

what.
the.
fuck.
'across the universe' isn't playing within 50 miles of orlando.
it's only playing in 500 theaters in the entire country.
fuck. you.
it's cool though.
i've been waiting for the new jesse james movie with brad pitt.
i'm sure that's playing around here somewhere.
it's not?

what is playing?

...'the game plan'?

fuck you.

...'sydney white'?

fuck you fuck you.

...'good luck chuck'?

i'm this close to killing you.


the amc at universal is playing 'the birds' five times today.
that's right. 'the birds'.
from 1963.
we can't play anything you want to see, because we need this theater to play a forty year old movie five times.






...dragon wars?

i will give you five seconds to run, then i'm coming after you.

the new springsteen album is the best thing to come out this year.
go buy it october 2nd.
it'll make you happy.

YES.

what the hell took so long?

know what i miss?
livejournal.

back in it's heyday, it was awesome.
like a little community where you could say anything you wanted for your friends to see.
and we would send comments back and forth.
now there are probably about three people that use it, and very infrequently.
i barely use it anymore, but every time i do, i miss it.

now the younger kids have defected to facebook or myspace, and i'll admit i'm a big fan of facebook myself.
but theres no personality in those sites.
you don't have to say anything.
you just fill in the blanks and post pictures.
no creativity goes into it (adding glitter to your myspace does not count.)
you had to come up with things to say here.
whether it made people laugh or pissed them off, at least it took some effort. some intellect.
okay, not everyone was real big on the intellect, but at least they were saying something other than "my name is dante, and i love the movie old school and i wanna give a shout out to my boys in miss. winter's 9th grade spanish class. party on, brah."
anyone with something to say had a place to do it.
to vent or rant or muse or just dick around.
there isn't anything like it anymore.
facebook notes aren't the same thing by a long shot, no one reads myspace blogs, and bulletins are possibly the worst invention of the century.
that's right. worse than those sneakers with the wheels on them.

this isn't like a call to arms or anything.
i don't see anybody coming back to this anytime soon, and i'm not here to call them back, i just miss it.
it'll never be what it once was, i just hope this site stays around forever, so i can keep going back every now and then to look at the stuff we said.

i don't leave for home till tomorrow, i'm already packed, shit's clean, and i've watched too many movies today.
now i'm bored as hell and all alone, so here's one of those things people do.
not much interesting for my first post in like 2 months, but it's the best you're gonna get.
no one reads livejournal anymore anyway.
livejournal is being a douche and wont let me put this under a cut, so deal with it.

What was the last movie you saw in theaters?
LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD, MOTHERFUCKER!

Do you eat vegetables regularly?
hell no. whadda i look like to you? some kinda queer?

If you were going to get a body piercing, where would you get it?
i wouldn't. nothing against them, but it'd look retarded on me. not my thing.

Do you ever hang out with someone of the opposite sex?
i certainly do. that's one of the benefits of having your cootie shots.

What is the weather like right at this very moment?
it's actually storming really bad right now. welcome to the sunshine state!

What is something that you can't wait for?
new bad religion album! and across the universe.

How many times have you been to Canada?
countless. its only a few hours from where i live in NY.

Have you ever had a reptile as a pet?
no, but if i did, his name would be steve zissou.

What is your favorite fruit?
ryan seacrest? zing!

What song is on your profile right now?
on myspace? i think it's against me! right now, but i could be wrong.

?
that is not a question. it's a question mark.

Where are you most ticklish?
my feet? i think?

How many hours a week do you normally work?
i go to school for crazy hours.

Who's your number 1?
jesus! hooray!

Do you have deep dark secrets?
i am responsible for the death of jerry falwell. sshhhhhhh.

When was the last time you were sick?
im not usually sick.

?
you are one lazy motherfucker. seriously.

How many siblings do you have?
tres.

Have you ever gotten caught sneaking out?
never. i'm awesome.

Did you ever try running away from home when you were younger?
yes. once. i didn't get far.

What makes you the happiest?
the beatles. my friends. watching stripes.

Where do you want to be right now?
anywhere that isn't boring like my empty house.

Have you ever finished a Rubik’s Cube?
i don't have that kind of patience.

When is the last time you drank too much?
once in oswego. i crawled around like a dinosaur.

When was the last time you rode a bike?
i haven't the slightest idea.

Do you have any vacation plans for this summer?
i have a week off to film, hang out, swim, camp, and cram in a million things, then it's back to work.

Where were you 1 hour ago?
downstairs doing laundry.

Who will be your next kiss?
your mother.

Do you kiss a lot of people?
is your mother a lot of people?

Are you wearing socks right now?
your mother. ...wait, what?

When was the last time you went out of state?
technically i've been out of state since february.

Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
i cant go five days without going to the movies.

What was the last thing you had to drink?
vitamin water. the revive kind. it tastes like fruit punch.

What are you wearing right now?
jeans and a hoodie.

What was your last purchase?
food?

Last thing you ate?
toaster struedel. hells yeah.

Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
nope.

?
i will destroy you.

Three words to explain why you last threw up?
i havent thrown up since i was like 5.

What is the equation for the Pythagorean theorem?
a^2 + b^2 = c^2. thats right. i know it.

What was the last movie you watched?
vanishing point.

Do you think Barbie is a negative role model for young girls?
no. they should all aspire to look like that and live to bake pies for their husbands.

What kind of car does your father drive:
a pt cruiser and a plymouth satellite.

Do you like scrabble?
sure. why not?

Where did you attend high school?
that school from the movie the faculty. it was badass.

Favorite scent?
cookies? i don't know, why would i have a favorite scent?

Do you like mornings?
i like the night. thats when i like to do stuff.

Last television program you watched?
Studio 60 - R.I.P.

Spell your name with no vowels:
Bb

Does your neighbor have an animal that annoys you?
i don't even know if my neighbor has pets at all.

Does your family own any boats?
we used to have a paddleboat. it was so cool.

Something you can't live without?
a car. i'd die if i couldn't go places.

Do you wear flip flops constantly?
never. i don't like em.

What do you think of adam brody?
he gets a bad rap for being the guy from the o.c., but ive always liked him.

Where were you when 9/11 happened?
remote controlling a 747 toward the world trade center from an underground bunker under the command of george w. bush. i was in gym class.

How often do you read books?
I live in the south right now. i'm pretty sure books are still illegal in certain areas.

Do you like james blunt?
if i could kill one person in the world, it would be james blunt.

Describe the computer you are currently using?
it's black.

How long does it take you to get ready to go out?
i'm usually ready anyway.

Will you donate your organs after you pass?
i'm hoping that by the time i pass, i will have used all my organs up.

Have you been outside of the USA?
Canada!

Would you ever get your nipple pierced?
ow! what? no! ow, dude. ow.

If you could pick one person to be with forever who would it be?
your mother.

Who was your first prom date?
junior prom - margaret

Who was your first roommate?
toolbox

What was your first alcoholic drink?
by dad let me try a beer when i was like 12 in the hopes that i would hate it so much i'd never drink again.

What was your first job?
Commercial Art? Maybe? I don't remember anything before that.

What was your first car?
'95 neon that i will be reunited with tomorrow. oh joy of joys.

Who was the first person that texted you yesterday?
my last text was on friday.

Who is the first person you thought of this morning?
nick i think. i had a messed up dream. i remember we were smoking cigars, but thats it.

Who was your first grade teacher?
Mrs. McMahn or something? Maybe? I dunno, i hated elementary school. i was a problem child.

Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?
coming back to new york from clearwater beach in 12th grade.

Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them?
A kid named Levi who lived two houses down from me. He had a badass power wheels that i wanted really bad. He moved away when i was a kid and I never saw him again.

Where was our first sleep over?
oh christ, how would i remember that?

Who was the first person you talked to this morning?
jennifer.

Whose wedding were you in the first time?
i've never been to a wedding.

What is the first thing you do in the morning?
turn off my alarm and go back to sleep.

What was the first concert you ever went to?
either the beach boys or jan and dean. i think it was jan and dean. even as a kid i had excellent taste.

First foreign country you went to?
Canada!

When was your first detention?
very early on. i was constantly in trouble until like 9th grade.

hey all.
i've missed you.
here are some things you probably won't read:

-i live in florida now and go to film school. but you knew that. my gpa is a 91% right now.

-comedy central has been playing like 3674846 episodes of scrubs every day. i never watched the show before, but i suddenly find myself caring about whether or not nbc cancels it.

-my mp3 player got fixed. all is right with the world.

-virginia tech today...god that sucks. i'm usually really good at finding humor in a dark place, but god that just sucks.

-SHORT RANT: speaking of things that suck and comedy central, carlos mencia has a new season. it pisses me off that people find this guy funny. it's actually gone beyond "this show sucks" and gone straight to me actually being angry about it. angry that they would put this shit on tv, and morons will watch it. this is why there are no good tv shows anymore. i don't even know why i still pay for cable. this country is full of idiots.

-july 10 = new albums from bad religion AND against me!

-i saw grindhouse, and it was everything i hoped it'd be.
planet terror: does for awesome what aids did for not awesome.
death proof: stop. you had me at 1970 dodge challenger.
for the record, i liked planet terror better. discuss.

-floridians should not have drivers licenses. you could take the nicest old floridian lady, and if you put her behind the wheel of a car, she turns into an asshole. and i know assholes. i'm from new york. if you can put up with people from long island, you can deal with anything. but this is crazy.

-what the world needs now is a new social distortion album. right. fucking. now.

-i need one of these:


-i'll be the first to admit that i still go to warped tour every year, but progressive boink's description of the event made me laugh for like ten minutes:
"Each year since its inception, the Warped Tour has placed less of an emphasis on extreme sports and expanded its musical horizons to include any flavor-of-the-month pop-punk band willing to check integrity at the door and play an ironic 80's pop cover to a crowd of carbon-copy anarchists all looking to really stick it to a president they were too apathetic as a collective to vote out of office in the first place. Keep the faith, dudes! Just keep on running in little circles to the tune of yet another Anti-Flag song."
god, that's perfect.  i'll probably go this year just because i wanna see bad religion live, and flogging molly will be there, but every year it gets worse.  my warped days are almost at an end.

-how many times will jamie kennedy make movies/tv shows where he pretends to be a gangster before he realizes that it wasn't even funny the first time he did it?

-in may i am exited for:
dinosaurs seasons 3 and 4 on dvd
spider man 3
pirates of the caribbean: at world's end
against me! at the house of blues.  i know HOB sucks, but i'll take what i can get.
pan's labyrinth on dvd

-there's probably more. i'll get back to you.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




note the eyeball on the ground next to him.
oh the detail.

wow. sucks to be you guys.

another ghostbusters movie?
in cgi?
the biggest miracle is that they got bill murray to participate.
didn't see that coming.
please don't suck.

hey there, dudes and dudettes.
as some of you may already be aware, as of this week, i have relocated to central florida.
it is here that i shall lay the foundations for my future wealth-beyond-your-wildest-dreams.
for some, this is but an obstacle in our friendship.
for others, this no doubt means you will never see me again.
condolences.
i have no doubt you will miss me terribly.
i wanted to take some pictures when i got here, to show you what my new homestead looks like, but my digital camera is currently out of commission.
therefore, in lieu of an actual picture, here is an artist's redering, using a likeness of myself created at becomeanm&m.com, depicting what a picture of me in florida may look like:


now, as you can see...
what?
oh, that?
yeah, thats a triceratops.
you know. i just felt like throwin' that in there...
i don't really see what the big deal is.
just, ya know, a triceratops.
and to tell the truth, i'm not so in love with your tone right now.
do you live in florida?
do ya?
i didn't think so.
so how do you know there aren't triceratops here?
hm?
jackass?

i just saw a commercial for "wedding barbie"
didn't she break up with ken like a year ago?
now she's getting married?


stupid whore.

...people need to stop dying.

joseph barbera is dead.
i weep.